


End of All Things

by gravityphan



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: //implied suicidal thoughts in the second chapter, //self harm in the second chapter, Adorable Michael, Lovesick, M/M, Super Angst, also jeremy is a bit of a dick, but i still love him so much, cursing, i have no idea what to put here, i'm sad rereading the story over, squip!michael au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-11-04 10:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10988778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravityphan/pseuds/gravityphan
Summary: Best Friends.That's all Michael Mell and Jeremy Heere have ever thought of the other. Nothing more.At least, that's what it was from Jeremy's perspective.When the Squip takes control of all the students.......including Michael...wether Jeremy likes it or not, Squip Michael is much different than regular Michael. He's taller, and has more confidence.Which means he's not afraid to speak what's been on his mind since freshman year.





	1. End of All Things

**Author's Note:**

> I really like naming things after songs
> 
> Um, Hi! Welcome! Make yourself cozy, go grab a mug of hot chocolate or coffee if you prefer, and sit down. This is gonna be a doozy. 
> 
> Also this has a pretty decent amount of angst so beware.
> 
> This is an AU that was created by teachmehowtothrive on tumblr! Go send them love!
> 
> I appreciate the read!
> 
> -mikey

"Places for scene two, people! Remember, once Puck gives you the Pansy Serum, you have to really sell that you’re transforming into a zombie! Excellent work, Miss Valentine." Mr. Reyes closes his eyes and smiles as he takes a quick guzzle of the strange green liquid in a beaker from the science room and places it on a tray, which Chloe takes to the stage. "Excellent? But Chloe's terrible, she never remembers her-" Jeremy freezes as he sees the girl zip past, beaker in tow. He notices the green substance dripping from the brim: _Mountain Dew._

 

The feeling of dread skinks into Jeremy's chest. Memories from moments ago flood his senses: _Opening the shoebox. Finding it empty. The Squip._

_The Squip._

 

Jeremy taps on the drama teacher's shoulder. "Mr. Reyes... What's in the Pansy Serum...?"

 

Mr. Reyes turns to face Jeremy, but something isn't quite right. It's hard to see in the dim backstage lights, but he seems... taller? "Oh, don’t worry about the color. It’s perfectly non-toxic. We don’t want a repeat of last year’s Arsenic and Old Lace debacle. It’s just plain old Mountain Dew! Also, Jenna Rolan put these Wintergreen Tic-Tacs in the bottom."  
Jeremy instantly knew what was going on. Those are NOT Tic-Tacs... He feels his hairline become moist with sweat. He ignores the Squip, who has conveniently decided to reappear, floating lazily behind Jeremy. "NO! You can’t let anyone drink from that beaker!" He yells in his puny voice, and reaches for Mr. Reyes, who has begun to walk towards the edges of the wings. The bearded man turns around. Jeremy can see from the light cascading from the stage that Mr. Reyes's eyes were a vibrant blue. "Don’t be silly, it’s more than safe. _I should know... I tried it myself."_

 

The Squip, no longer behind Jeremy but instead in diagonally upper left of him, locks eyes with Mr. Reyes. Jeremy feels his head go light and his chest sink with weight as the Squip whispers, ** _"Up up down down left right A."_**

 

It is then that Jeremy realizes how much he fucked up when he put that pill on his tongue. Mr. Reyes flinches in pain as his squip takes over his body. His back straightens and all at once, he looks much more beefy than he was two minutes ago. The Squip spins around to look at Jeremy face to face, although he has to look down due to the drastic height difference between the two. He turns around, trying to comprehend the entire situation that he knows is about to unfold before him, whispering "I have to get out there—" before a strong grip squeezes his forearm and won't release. The Squip is a manifestation of Jeremy's mind, so there is no possible way that it is him that is holding him hostage, but then Jeremy looks behind him to see a suddenly taller Mr. Reyes attached to the arm that is keeping Jeremy from attempting to stop the inevitable destiny. "I can’t let you do that, Jeremy." He says in a monotone voice, extremely odd for the exuberant personality of Mr. Reyes. Jeremy calls his name in an inquisitive tone, while trying to break free from his teacher. Reyes yanks Jeremy father backstage so he can speak louder, so that other students can hear him. "You needy, pathetic, self-centered students. You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In New Jersey? My Squip says I can go all the way to Broadway! I just have to make sure you don’t ruin my big night."

 

Jeremy is finally released from the stranger yet more demeaning version of Mr. Reyes as he runs face first into the Squip's chest. He peels himself off of the computer that somehow has mass suddenly and looks up at it. It's skin is now a less paleish and more of a bluish-gray hue, and It's eyes are dimly glowing with the same time as Mr. Reyes. He's growing more powerful. "What are you doing to them?" Jeremy demands, trying to appear taller by straightening his back. "I’m syncing their desires to yours. I now realize: my operating system can only truly be complete when everyone shares a social network."

 

The Squip motions towards Brooke, who is attempting to recall her lines. " _'What...angel wakes me from my... flowery... bed.'_ Ugh, I’m so thirsty." She lifts the green beaker to her lips, to Jeremy's dismay, and tries to stop her, but the Squip, who apparently not only suddenly has body mass but also strength, holds Jeremy back. He doesn't resist, because he know that he'll just receive another painful shock if he even tries to break free. The serum drips down her throat, and she yelps in pain. As if by magic, Brooke is saying her lines, not only in the correct wording but also in the correct tone as well. It's almost nightmarish. " _'I warn thee, gentle mortal, it’s time to FEED again!'_ " She runs off with the serum in hand, and Jeremy turns to the Squip, finally fully comprehending the impending danger of the scenario.

 

"You're going to Squip the whole cast." Jeremy states, his eyes straining at the contrasting dark lights of the backstage of the auditorium and the Squip's ever growing glow, which has now infected not only his entire body but also Jeremy's as well. ** _"And that's just for starters!"_** The Squip coos, almost in disbelief that Jeremy can stop him. The boy feels tears behind his eyelids. This is not the time or place, his head screams but it still is apparent when he yells, "That's not what I wanted!"

 

The Squip is suddenly not in the mood for Jeremy's BS. ** _"It's the ONLY way to get what you want."_** Jeremy tries to find ways to stop the Squip in a pacifist manner, but the Squip always has a comeback for it. He is a supercomputer, after all. Jeremy feels himself regaining control over his body, but the Squip is not amused as he fights back. It starts physically glitching and showing signs of system failure in it's voice. "You’re a computer. There has to be some way to turn you off!" He yells, to which the Squip replies, ** _"I'd stop there. You don't want to end up like Rich."_**

 

Jeremy stops resisting for a moment to recall what happened to Rich, when he realized that Rich was yelling for Mountain Dew Red at Jake's party! His mind begins to put two and two together and- "That's it! Green Mountain Dew Activates you, Red turns you off!"

 

**_"Why do you think we had it discontinued? To stop me now, you'd need a time machine back to the 1990's!"_** The Squip laughs, but it's cold and dead with each 'ha.' Then Jeremy realizes: his time machine is a person. "Or a friend who’s so old school, he buys 90’s soft drinks from the back room at Spencer’s Gifts!" The Squip gasps ironically, and sneers. ** _"Too bad you don't have one of those. Anymore."_**

 

_Jeremy whips his phone out from his pants pocket, almost dropping it. Pressing hthe home button to open Siri, he yells, "Michael! Call Michael!" But the Squip can't take it anymore. He uses all his strength, which is getting stronger every time someone takes a sip of the serum, to paralyze Jeremy in a stiff coma. Jeremy loses his grip on his phone, and the Squip loses his grip on his control. His voice feels double edged, almost as if there were multiple Squips talking in Jeremy's ear at once. ** _̷͓̒"̸̡͐I̵͇͂t̴̰͛’̷̯̐s̷̖̋ ̶̨̑ṳ̵̽s̷̡̉ȩ̸͑l̸̟̊ĕ̷̯ŝ̴̥š̴͔ ̸̮r̵͝ͅe̸̫͋s̷͖i̷̽ͅš̴̻t̶͈́ḭ̸̈́n̴͒ͅg̸̢̈́,̴͈̔ ̵̛̥J̸̭͐é̷̺r̵̝͘e̷͓̊m̸̫̓y̸̬̐.̷͖̋ ̴̳̐I̵̫’̵͎͊m̴̱͌ ̶̛̬g̵̖̒ọ̸͛i̶̢̐n̶̲̆g̸͇̚ ̶̫̉t̸̲ô̵̝ ̴̥̽i̷̮̚m̵̼̏p̸̦̒r̶̫͛ọ̷̋ṿ̴̈́e̸̒͜ ̶̼̆ý̷͇ò̸̗ù̶͜r̸̞̽ ̵̦́l̷̜̂i̷͎͂f̴̡̿e̸̩̿ ̷͚̅i̷̜̔f̸̝̽ ̵̟̎I̵̮͌ ̷͖̆ḣ̶̹ạ̴͌v̷̯͝e̵̐͜ ̸̥̊t̶̲o̷͐͜ ̸̣͑t̵͓͝â̴̪k̴̡͋e̵̫͂ ̶̬̾o̴̿ͅv̵̼̋ĕ̶̗r̵̪̋ ̷͖͛t̴̥̊h̵̘̐ȅ̴̫ ̷͎̒e̵͒͜n̵̫̾t̷̛͉ȋ̴̯r̶̗͒e̷̟̐ ̴͑͜s̴͍̈́ţ̷u̸̧͌d̸̙̄e̴̳͛n̶̗͐t̷̩̚ ̶͍b̵̩͌ő̴͕ḍ̵̔y̸͝ͅ ̴̼̚t̶͊ͅo̵̫͋ ̴̼̏d̴̗͐o̷͚̎ ̷̳̃i̶̺̊t̵̲̋!̵̥̂"̷̼͊_**_

 

__Jeremy's body is thrown to the concrete wall, where he slumps next to the door to the hallway, which is conspicuously open. A figure stands in the frame, but Jeremy is too focused on his battle with his Squip to even notice that the exact person he came looking for is standing right beside him. _"Michael makes an entrance!"_ He sings, holding a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew Red, but there is no Jeremy to greet him. Only the glitching, shaking shell of Jeremy's body. Michael goes to pick up Jeremy's body, but the squipped cast members all notice that the door is open. That Michael was present. They close in on Michael, backing him into the bright hallway. The corpse of what used to be Jenna Rolan holds up the almost empty beaker. There just so happens to be one pill and one gulp of Mountain Dew left. The other squipped children restrain Michael, despite his cries out to Jeremy, still frozen on the ground back in the theatre. Michael drops the Mountain Dew Red as Jenna muffled his screams with the mouth of the beaker, forcing it down his throat. She squeezes his adam's apple so he forcefully swallows the remains of the beaker._ _

 

__Everything in the hallway goes dark, as well as in the auditorium. Mr. Reyes killed the lights. The actors on stage, however, don't go dark with the rest of the house. Instead, their eyes glow blue, blinking blankly in the darkness. The lights reappear, however this time, they flood the stage with a eerie blue light. Jeremy punches himself, and the Squip releases him, rubbing the spot where Jeremy gave the blow. Jeremy's own face now has strange blue markings, falling just below his eyes like tears, as well as all the other students as well. It does appear like Jeremy has more control over his Squip in comparison to the other students, and he watches them trudge around the stage like zombies. Jeremy can only wonder what it's like to be in that house, clueless as to what has happened to their kids. Exhausted, Jeremy trudges to the stage, in a final attempt to save himself and the rest of his peers. But before he makes it to the wings, he notices a red bottle on the edge of the curtain. It was Mountain Dew Red! Jeremy rushes to pick it up, but one of the Squipped kids kicks it and it rolls effortlessly to the center of the stage. Jeremy climbs over himself to reach the bottle before it falls off the stage into the dark abyss, using the ominous glow from his face to guide his way. He manages to snatch it just before it's too late. Unfortunately for Jeremy, not only did his Squip catch up to him, but so did the entire cast. They form a circle of death around Jeremy, with the Squip at the center, pinning Jeremy's free arm behind his back and putting his other arm around his neck. Jeremy resists, unscrewing the cap with his teeth and putting the mouth to his lips. The Squip changes positions, now holding Jeremy's shoulders, looming over him like some kind of giant._ _

 

__**_"̷Y̷o̷u̶ ̴d̸o̷n̷'̷t̴ ̷w̸a̵n̸t̵ ̴t̵o̸ ̷d̸r̸i̴n̷k̷ ̸t̴h̷a̷t̶,̴ ̵J̴e̸r̷e̷m̷y̸!̴"̸_** The Squip yells, trying to pull the bottle away from the deadlocked fingers of Jeremy. "WHY NOT?" he screams, to which the Squip replies, ** _"̸̪̟͓̕B̸̹͇͇̞̠̘̓͑͝e̵͓̅c̴̳͙̳͗͗̇̈́a̷̝̓ǔ̵̥͍͍͙͐̀s̵͚͗e̸̹̓͆̆̐̽̎ ̸͈͇̘̺̿̋̌I̵̱̗̰͌͒̊̑͒̂͜ ̷̞̮̞́̃͆͘k̸̢̫͔̥̦̪̏͂̂͋́̉n̴̨̻̣͈͎͒͝o̸͓̰̭̘̦̓̈́͊̅w̴̧͔̣͙͒͒̈́̿ ̸̧̧͉̪̝̦̅w̵̧̱̆̔̆̈́͠h̸͍̎́̑͒a̴͂̈̏͋͘̕ͅt̸̡͉̤̣̞͝ ̸̢̦̞̻͇̈́͑̽̓̑͛y̴̨̜̮̝ỏ̶͇̝͓͉̻͂͐͘ŭ̴̼̠͛͝͝ ̴̪͉͓̬̿̏̎̽ŗ̸͓̭̻̇͛ë̴͕̦̹̦͔̣́̎a̵̢̙͈͐͂̐l̸͎̹͓̖͈̖͊͊ḷ̶̥͈̂̆̈́̒͜ÿ̵͎̜́̉̕ ̵͖̦̺̬̭̅̏͐̂w̴̝̏̈́̃̔̓̕ả̵̰̈̒͒̅̂ǹ̶̡͜͠t̷̒͐̊̈́͜.̴̡͙͕̓̋͒͠"̵̨̧̧͓͑̅̀̐_**_ _

 

__Rich, Jenna, Chloe, Brooke, Christine, and Mr. Reyes break the circle, to reveal..._ _

 

__"Michael?" Jeremy nearly drops the bottle of Mountain Dew Red, staring at his best friend before him. "Listen, Michael, I know I've been such a jerk to you, and I won't blame anyone but myself because-" Michael gets closer to Jeremy, and he shuts up. Something seemed wrong about Michael. He was standing up straight, proving that he was much taller than Jeremy once thought. His back was arched, hips tilted, and he had his hands in his pockets. His expression was one heck of a honeyglow. Smiling coyly down at Jeremy, he whispers, "I'm so glad I found you here, Jeremy. I wanted to apologize."_ _

 

__"Why? I'm the one that was a total asshole to you-" Michael takes his hand out of his pocket and pushes it up against Jeremy's lips, spreading a pink blush along Jeremy's cheeks and silencing him. "Because, silly. You were right about this. About how it feels. And it feels... Amazing."_ _

 

__Jeremy backs into the Squip's arms, and looks up._ _

 

__"I- How did you know?" Jeremy's breath is shaky and unstable. The Squip seems to have regained control over his sanity and sounds normal once more. ** _"Like I said before, I'm in your brain, Jeremy. You can't hide anything from me."_** He taps his skull. Jeremy slides out from underneath the Squip's cold grasp. Where the Squip was touching him was freezing, almost frozen. Jeremy looks back to Michael, who is looking at Jeremy with the dreamiest eyes he's ever seen Michael show. _His biggest secret has been obvious to the Squip the whole time, meanwhile Jeremy was oblivious._ But then one thought dawned on him. **_"Then why in the world were you trying to hook me up with Christine this whole time?"_**_ _

 

__The Squip looks at Jeremy wit eyes filled with dramatic irony. ** _"I was planning to wait until you could admit it yourself, but I recently realized that was... Improbable. So I took matters into my own metaphorical hands."_** The Squip grins, as if it's accomplished it's goal, but the dread in Jeremy's stomach tells him that it couldn't farther than true. He shoots a pleading glare at the Squip, who begins to shake and glitch again._ _

 

__Jeremy looks back at Michael. At the boy he's known for twelve years. "That is not Michael." he says, looking back at the now blushing boy. It was then that Jeremy noticed the blue tinge in Michael's eyes. ** _"̷I̷ ̵a̷s̷s̴u̴r̷e̶ ̴y̸o̸u̵,̶ ̵i̵t̶ i̴s̵.̷O̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶i̴s̷ ̷f̷e̶a̴r̶s̸ ̶a̷n̸d̷ ̷a̴n̶x̶i̸e̷t̸i̵e̵s̵ ̴h̴a̷v̴e̷ ̴b̶e̷e̵n̸ ̶r̸e̷m̷o̶v̵e̷d̷!̸ ̶A̶n̸d̴ ̸I̵ ̴b̸e̶l̷i̶e̵v̴e̸ ̵h̴e̵ ̷h̷a̵s̶ ̸s̷o̴m̶e̴t̴h̷i̷n̴g̷ ̷h̵e̵'̸s̶ ̸w̵a̷n̸t̷e̸d̶ ̸t̷o̶ ̶s̶a̵y̸ ̷f̴o̸r̸ ̴a̴ ̴v̴e̶r̷y̵ ̷l̴o̴n̴g̸ ̵t̷i̴m̷e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶y̶o̴u̷.̷"̴_** Jeremy's eyes widen as Michael bends lower so the two are at eye level. "I feel so...brave. And...safe. And, Jeremy, I was so scared to say this before, but... I love you, Jeremy." And just when Jeremy thought that his eyes couldn't get any bigger, they turned into saucers as Michael pressed his lips onto Jeremy's. Michael, his best friend, just stole his first kiss. And it was amazing. Every waking moment was perfect, and with each passing second Jeremy was falling farther and farther in love with him. There was a pause. And the pause turned into seconds. Michael left Jeremy's lips cold, begging for more. But Jeremy stood, frozen in place with a face as red as a the Mountain Dew Red he was holding. _The Mountain Dew. The Mountain Dew!__ _

 

__"Don’t you have something to say to me?" Michael looks ravishing with blue eyes, was all that Jeremy could think as he looked up at the Squip again. ** _"̷T̶h̶a̵t̸'̶s̸ ̷y̸o̸u̸r̴ ̷c̷u̶e̸.̶"̴_** It pushes Jeremy closer to Michael. He looks back at the Squip, the back to Michael. As much as Jeremy loved the thought of Michael touching him the way he just did, as he looked into the eyes of the person that he just kissed for the first time, his best friend, features that were not present in Michael 1.0 are awkwardly present in Michael 2.0. Jeremy couldn't breathe. He was hyperventilating. This was not Michael. What he said might've been true, but this is not the way Michael looks nor acts. His voice was too highly intonated. His posture was all wrong. And he was wearing his sweater around his waist? This was not Michael. This was a zombie impersonating Michael. Jeremy felt like he was going to puke. He just kissed a stranger. A million thoughts raced through his brain all in one moment. "He'll do whatever I want?" Jeremy asks the Squip, to which the Squip confirms with a reassuring, ** _'̸T̵h̵a̸t̶'̶s̷ ̶w̷h̷a̷t̵ ̴I̴ ̴p̷r̶o̴m̶i̵s̶e̶d̵,̴ ̷w̶a̸s̴n̸'̵t̴ ̵i̴t̷?̸"̸_**_ _

 

__Jeremy moves closer to the stranger that inhabited his best friend's body. He could do this. Could he do this? He couldn't do this. No way was this happening to him. He couldn't do it. Jeremy's breath shortens as he says, "Great." With a shaky smile and a weak arm, he puts the open bottle of Mountain Dew Red to Michael's mouth and tilts it. "Drink this," he says. The Squip locks Jeremy's body almost instantly, screaming ** _"̴W̵a̷i̶t̸—̸ ̴T̸h̵i̶n̶k̶ ̷a̸b̸o̸u̸t̵ ̸w̵h̵a̷t̷ ̸y̸o̴u̴’̶r̶e̴ ̶s̷a̶y̴i̷n̵g̶,̸ ̴J̸e̷r̴e̷m̴y̷—̷"̴_** ̷but it's too late. Michael already has the bottle and is taking huge gulps. Jeremy smiles. If he can't save himself, at least he can save Michael._ _

 

___Lovely Michael._ _ _

 

___Free Michael._ _ _

 

__"How do you feel?" Jeremy asks Michael. The blue hue drains from Michael's eyes, and he begins to slouch. A blank expression masks his face, and almost as if he's a computer powering down, his head snaps forward. He drops to his knees and lets out the highest scream that anyone has ever heard a boy release. One by one, Jeremy's classmates imitate Michael's reaction to the Mountain Dew Red, including Jeremy. In excruciating pain, practically dying, and watching the life drain out of his peers and the horror on the faces of the parents in the house, the only thing on Jeremy's mind_ _

 

___was Michael._ _ _


	2. Memories: An Epilouge.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone in the hospital room, the only noise the beating of the heart monitor, which had slowed down significantly. 
> 
> Dead silence. 
> 
> Michael would rather be dead than in this present moment.
> 
> And then finally,
> 
> he spoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wasn’t going to finish this but for some reason i got a huge burst of creativity and finished this a while ago and just never posted it whoops
> 
> anyway welcome back! so someone asked if i could do an aftermath in the hospital and i thought it was a great idea, so here it is!
> 
> also this originally was based off of a comic on tumblr (the person read my fic! and loved it! i’m still in disbelief tbh) but they continued with it a bit more and this is different than what the comic follows! be sure to check them out, they’re @teachmehowtothrive on tumblr :)
> 
> WARNING: if you are uncomfortable with mentions self harm and implied suicidal thoughts, i do briefly talk about them.

Silence.

 

Darkness.

 

Michael was swimming in those two words. He had no idea what was going on. One minute, he was in control of his body, being swarmed by the people who had terrified and terrorized him for years, and the next, he was thrown into the backseat of his mind. Someone else, _something else_ was driving, and it was foreign. All Michael could do was helplessly watch as the driver confessed his three-year-probably-longer-long crush on Jeremy Heere, to the single person he'd ever cared about, who also happened to _be_ Jeremy. It felt like a bad movie. A very bad, sappy romcom. Nothing was going the way Michael wanted. And then they _kissed_. Michael's first kiss, and it wasn't even his.

How humiliating.

But then something changed. _Jeremy changed._ He couldn't see it, but Jeremy was conversing with his squip, looking between the dead space where the squip supposedly was and Michael's skinsuit of a body. The look in Jeremy's eyes was pained, distraught, and Michael wanted nothing more than to help him. To help him through this nightmare of a night. But then Jeremy forcefed him Mountain Dew Red, and everything went black. And now the past is behind, the present is now, and the future is dead ahead. 

But Michael wasn't sure if he was ready to face it.

He was going to, unfortunately.

His head hurt massively. Probably from the elecricity surging through his brain less than twelve hours ago. He wanted death more than he wanted Jeremy at this point.

He was far from it, however, as he was ripped right from his dark, quiet, and hurting haze, into real life.

Great.

Michael jerked forward, gasping for air and clutching his chest. Why did his body feel so light? And where the _hell_ was his sweater? His breathing was jagged and unpatterned. Everything was white, which was a change. But he couldn't see anything _but_ white, which was a problem in itself. As his pupils dilated, he heard the soft beat of the heart monitor. Something was in his arm and he wanted it out. His vision retured, not everything was white anymore. But it was really bright. "Ugh... hospitals." Michael realized where he was. 

There wasn't anyone in his room. Michael felt the IV attatched to his arm. He didn't like it. Maybe it was from playing too many asylum horror games, but he never really liked hospitals. They creeped him out. He sunk back into the pillows on the bed. They were nicer than his own pillows. _Much nicer._

Michael's eyes followed the particles dancing in the air, flowing in the light flooding in through the wide window. It was so mesmerizing. He tried to not think about his throbbing head, but it was hard not to when every thought hurt. Time seemed to stop. Or was it going faster? He had no idea, but it was strange. Everything felt different. 

At least he was in charge of his own body again.

But the damage was done, at least the worst was over, and he was still here. 

Here.

_Heere._

__

__

_Jeremy._

Michael gasped. A part of him wanted to find Jeremy right now, wherever he was, and the other wanted to never talk to him again. His darkest secret was forced out of him, against his will, and he hated it. But was also relived that he didn't keep his feeling from Jeremy anymore. Michael was about to tear his hair out, he was so torn. Why? Why did this have to happen in the worst possible scenario? It was unbleiveable how stupid he felt. 

But then the doctor came in. She said that Michael had been involved in an 'incident' at the school play, and many others were in the same boat as him. She also mentioned that he was the last one to regain consciousness, and many of them had stopped by to check on him, one more than others, although it'd been less than twelve hours since they'd all been admitted. He was stable, and would be able to go home later in the day. Michael bit his lip and nodded. The doctor turned to leave before looking back. "Do you want me to tell your friends you're awake?" Her hazel eyes were wide against her gold framed glasses. He hesitantly nodded, pushing on his right hand to sit up but retracting immediately at the shot of pain soaring through his forearm. He winced, but tried to stomach it. Michael smiled shakily at the doctor, who hadn't noticed his movements, as her hand was already on the door handle. 

Once the door was safely shut, the smile dropped, and his eyes flashed with agony. He raised his arm to eye level swiftly, tracing the staggered scars his squip had left on his wrist, starting at his palm and ending close to the middle of his forearm. Michael listened to his breathing, hearing himself inhale and exhale loudly. The heart monitor increased it's beeping. He felt helpless. How could he have let this happen? To himself, but he could only imagine what Jeremy's scars looked like. The thought terrified him. Everything was so _loud._ He couldn't hear himself think anymore, his feelings were consuming any will he had presently. He sneezed. It felt like his chest was stabbed with a thousand knives. Michael wished he was dead. Everything was reeling. Nothing was the same. Panic pulsated through his eyes, each second only increasing the feeling. He felt tears crash onto his cheeks, toward his chin, onto his chest. The hospital gown was exaggeratingly rising and falling in sync with his breathing, his ears ringing. 

And then as soon as it started, everything stopped on a dime. The dime being the door slamming open. Michael sniffed and quickly wiped his eyes and pretended to look fine. He was fairly good at pretending everything was fine. It came in handy a lot.

Enter Jeremy Heere, Christine Canigula, Rich Goranski, Jake Dillinger, Chloe Valentine, Brooke Lohst, and Jenna Rolan, stage right. Michael sniffed again as his friend and his friend's friends embraced him. His arms seared with pain again, but he didn't react to it. Instead, he pretended to not be bothered by the almost complete strangers hugging him while he was still bedridden. Michael found it hilarious that he could be touch starved and still hate when people touched him. Everyone was 'aww'ing and 'I'm so glad you're awake!'ing and 'You were so brave!'ing and complete bullshitting. These kids didn't care about him, even though he literally saved all of their asses, and it showed. Michael was just quiet, listening to them ramble on about how sorry they were and how glad they were that it was over. If there was one person who knew what it meant when Michael was quiet, not doing anything, it would be Jeremy. And boy did Jeremy get the message. For the first time, the boy spoke up. "Hey, uh, guys? Could you give us a few minutes? I... I really need to talk to Michael," he said, and one by one the crowd dispersed and reformed outside the closed door. 

Leaving Michael and Jeremy alone in the hospital room, the only noise the beating of the heart monitor, which had slowed down significantly. Dead silence. Michael would rather be dead than in this present moment. And then finally, he spoke. "I believe you have some explaining to do," he said with a raspy tone. 

Jeremy scoffed, clearly upset. " _I_ have some explaining to do? Michael, are you kidding me right now?" He folded his arms over the hospital gown, leaning onto one hip. Michael sat up on the bed, once again ignoring the pain. It was getting easier and easier each time he put pressure on his arms to stomach the pain, but the injury was only getting more agitated. The 'beep, beep, beep,' turned to 'beep beep beep.' "No. No I am not. Jeremy, let's review everything you've done since the beginning of the school year, shall we? First, you bought a $600 dollar nanobitch that made you ignore your only friend for popularity and love. Second, you left said friend for dust as you rose to high school fame, only for it to dawn on you that 'oh, maybe, just maybe, I should have listened to Michael for once. Because when Michael is _this_ passionate about something, it's usually because he's concerned and he's right.' Third, when you finally had an opportunity to do yourself a favor and get that asshole tic tac out of your system, you totally shot me down. And that wasn't the Squip's fault, it was completely on you. And left your best friend once again to his inner demons and a _fucking fire, Jeremy._ I barely made it out alive, and this is my second time in the hospital this week. Did you know that? No, because you were too busy dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight just to be able to bang a girl who isn't even interested, Mr. Hypersexual. Now, onto the subject of whether I even _wanted_ to be saved from that fire. Were it not for Jake, who dragged me out of the house despite my complaining, I would not be here. And you would have had no idea. And yet, I still, despite all that bullshit and fuckery you put me through these last few absolutely joyful months, decided to come to your play in one last attempt to save you, to save my feelings, because even after everything that happened, somehow I still felt something for you in a way that I couldn't explain without wanting to slam my head against a window, and, well, you know how that turned out," Michael said flatly, voice still calm besides the tears streaming down his face. He was subconsciously scratching his arms, which only made the electricity burns worse, but he didn't care. 'beepbeepbeepbeep beep beep beep.' He bit his tongue, allowing a few seconds for Jeremy to process this and then respond.

"A- wh- no!" Jeremy said, throwing his fists to his sides. "I will not be thrown under the bus completely here. Yes, I was an asshole for most of this year. _I get it._ I've been told this multiple times over, you would not believe. I was stupid and reckless and a complete idiot for leaving you behind. Michael, I yelled at my _dad._ I never do that. But do you understand the inner turmoil and physical, mental, and emotional abuse that I was subjected to? Every day was a fight with my Squip. And I know I'm second to Rich in having a Squip for the longest, but the asshole twisted my morals. Made me believe that what I was doing was right and degraded me when it was unsatisfied, both verbally, and physically." Jeremy held up his arms to show Michael the exact same scars that he now possessed. He also lifted the gown to display the ones on his back as well. "Jeremy, you're forgetting that I had a Squip too. That it totally threw everything that I'd worked so hard to hide out the window. I knew that if I said something about the way I felt out to literally everyone, it could have totally wrecked our friendship, and I wasn't ready to handle that. But I will not let you sit here and play the victim when you're mostly at fault. And you're not the only one who went through the Squip's bullshit," Michael spat, trying to gloss over the fact that he just admitted that the feelings he felt for Jeremy were legitimate, and without thinking, he yanked the sleeves of the gown up to reveal above the light scars from scratching and cutting, were the deep electrical scars the Squip left, burning the image forever into his skin. No matter what happened after this moment, he'd forever have the memory of Jeremy distastefully tattooed onto his arms. But then he realized what he'd just done was something he'd never done. Ever. So he rolled his sleeves back down and hit his lip. "Michael," Jeremy said, trying to reach out to him, but Michael didn't respond. 'Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.' He only hugged himself, and the awkward silence resumed. 

"I-I'm sorry," Jeremy said, once he put his thoughts in order. "There's a lot you should be sorry for, Jeremy Heere," Michael replied, "But my scars are not one of them. It was my stupid decision and they're embarrassing to look at."

"No they're not," Jeremy took a step closer to Michael, turning his palm up so his forearm showed. Michael winced because after all this, his defences came crashing down. Jeremy locked eyes with Michael. "See how they're not recent? Sure, they remind you of a bad period, but we all have them. Them not being recent shows that you got better, stronger. They're not something to be ashamed of." More awkward silence. "I mean, obviously I don't self harm, so I can't speak from experience, but that's what I felt about it I'm sorry if I offended you," Jeremy rambled quickly, realizing that that could have made matters worse. 

"No, it's okay," Michael said, looking at Jeremy a little less angry. "I don't mind." His heart ached. Everything about this felt so wrong and so right. He pulled his hand away. "I just..." he didn't know how to put his feelings into words. But he didn't have time to explain before Jeremy planted his lips on his.

A part of him was screaming yes, but a bigger part of him was screaming no. This wasn't right. He couldn't do this. Michael pushed Jeremy off him, yelling, "No!" He blushed wildly, he broke eye contact with Jeremy. "No..."

Jeremy looked away too, shocked by the rejection. Michael had just told him last night that he loved him, why did he not want this? "Wh- wait, what about-" 

"That wasn't me, Jeremy."

"What?"

"That. wasn't. me."

"I mean, sure, you were Squipped but-"

"No. I don't, No. I can't, Jeremy. as much as I want to," Michael felt tears on the brims of his eyelids, but he blinked them back. He wouldn't cry. He couldn't. He wasn't a sissy and he would not cry at a time like this. "This doesn't feel right."

"It... it doesn't?" Jeremy asked, very confused. "I mean, I just figured out my feelings for you, I thought you-"

"I do!" He couldn't blink fast enough, Michael's tears streamed down his face. "Of- of course I do, I mean, I realized I had a crush on you freshman year, I've probably loved you longer than that. But- this doesn't feel _right,_ you know? I feel like you just want to love me out of pity and I can't handle that bullshit, Jeremy. Not now, at least. Fuck, dude, I just-" Michael put his forehead in his hands, sighing. "I can't put it into words. I love you more than you could possibly imagine, I wouldn't be able to put a form of measurement on it. But I-"

"I get it." Jeremy said quietly, also crying. "I understand. I may not get it completely, but I respect what you're feeling, and I- this is the first time I've liked a boy before, and I don't want to fuck it up. So, we can, y'know, take it slow, pretend like this never happened, maybe, and if and when you're ready, we can take it slow. I don't want to push anything onto you and jeopardize our relationship, whether it be as friends, or as something more."

More awkward silence. Michael nodded in thanks and his heart rate fell back to normal. Jeremy took a step back. "I... you're probably really disoriented and tired, right? I'm just... I'm just gonna let you relax for a little. I'll... see you later?" Jeremy felt his hand on the doorknob. Michael nodded. "Okay," he said, opening the door. Before he left, he said, "I, I'm sorry. for everything," and then he shut the door.

As time continued to tick on, there was one thing that both boys agreed on.

They were both heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so evil i’m sorry
> 
>  
> 
> also can you tell that jeremy is my favorite character becuase i sure as hell don’t act like it

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you ou the thought in the comments! also if there are any spelling errors (i wrote this in three hours, 10PM to 1AM rip) let me know! 
> 
> if you're wondering why i reuploaded this, it was because the author added more to the comic this was based on and i felt like i was missing pieces as well.


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